Fucking arse burgers...I feel like shit. Not in a physical way, but a mental way. I'm not gonna bore you all with the details but in the past fucking 6-7 months I have met some amazing people. In those said months I have been to more places than I can remember having the times of my fucking life. (I will swear quite profusely during this post)
I'll list the places and elaborate on the factors that made my pressence very enjoyable.
Pinner - This is where Nox's gf, Kat lives. Its a lovely place just on the outskirts of london and I have personally had some real fucking awesome times. Like the time we all went to popstars in london and partied our fucking asses off and got taxi's and had fun and walked for miles and it was amazing...then went back to the place just to tell Dasha all of this trippy shit and she put up with all my shit. Hearing Dan and Kat doing the dirty through the wall and having a giggle with Dasha about it. Red Chris' little rants which are seriously fucking hilarious and the stories. Going to Ali's before popstars to chill on a hammock and listen to Hard-Fi, smoking joints in the garden. Me losing my phone charger...realising that my friends are the best and they mean the world to me.
Watford - To walk around tesco's with Dasha, breaking her heart by saying she couldn't have a donut thing just because I wanted to annoy her in a nice way only for her to take it the wrong way by thinking I called her fat. She isn't, she is a stereotypical russian girl with tattooes and the cutest septum piercing...(you know exactly what I'm thinking don't you)
Kingston - Stayed with Dasha with Dan and Kat, went to this place called bacchus which is THE SHIT! It plays the music I want to hear, when I want to hear it. Sat listening to avenged sevenfold and playing Cooking mama with Dash. Had fucking fantastic times with her. Seriously
Chichester - Went to see Kat's sister and drink and smoke...A very enjoyable night had by one and all even though we hadn't slept for ages we managed to pull through quite well and I got cuddled by 2 awesome dogs all night by the names of Portrey and Auckney (spelling?)
Im not sure of the names of many more...as most of the time I was either too excited about going to the different places or too drunk to drive.
There is a selection of songs on my IPap...(which is my Sony Ericsson Phone!) that reminds me of the great times we all had. I listen to them every day because at this point in time it feels like they are the only moments I can hold onto where I felt happiest. I'm not disrespecting or ditching my other friends but sometimes you know when you don't hang around with certain people then you hang around with them again...? well......I feel out of place with them now...I feel like I'm not wanted. Everytime I see them and make an effort with them it's always the same comments every time.
'Back from the dead!'
'Hello Stranger!'
'Thought we wern't cool enough for you'
Well thats how my story falls into place. I'm not a happy panda but at least I'm not a really fat and ugly unhappy panda...coz that would make me a very very very unhappy panda.
Not really much more to say except I have nothing to look forward to. Which I know makes me sound emo but my life consists of laughing at things on the internet, feeding, smoking and not really much else. I'm bored of not doing anything all the time, I need inspiration to make something beautiful.
I also want a child. I want a miniture version of the irreplacable, Me. So I can teach him with the love of my life all of the wrongs and rights of the world. I would teach him to respect people but never give out too easily, I would teach him how to respect women how they should be respected, Teach him to play guitar like his Dad, to play with words, to be. I think that's what I want in life.
A wife that I could give my life to that could see past the stupid outside shell that I have and see through the fact that I am a good person. Argh what am I saying...I don't want kids yet. All I want is a cigarette and something to fucking eat, I'm dying here.
To the people that mean the most - I fucking love you and I always will.
To people I don't know - Have a good time
By the way, I just want you to notice me and think of me...that is all. I know oneday a mistake will happen and we will ruin everything, but will we ruin it or make it stronger...you decide.
Poison the fucking well!
Smoke a fucking cigarette!
Eat an Item of fucking food now stu....seriously.
love
Tags: london pinner chichester
Stuie is sitting in: HQ
Stuie is feeling quite: 
nostalgic
Stuie is listening to: Poison The Well
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif?v=92.1){kind=small}
stuicide's journal
Retreat
pleased
bored
uncomfortable