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5 star'ing Your mother
stuicide
If you could only listen to one album for the rest of your life, which one would it be (and why)?
 Brand New - Deja Entendu.....the greatest album ever written....thats all

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Stuie is sitting in: my front room
Stuie is feeling quite: pleased pleased
Stuie is listening to: Brand new

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stuicide
My brother is simply too cool for you guys!


Check this out immediately....


Thats enough of that...

Stuie is sitting in: my room
Stuie is feeling quite: bored bored
Stuie is listening to: nothing

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stuicide

Lol ignore the last journal...I fucking over reacted, I know it was cool, I enjoyed it really...even if I felt slightly guilty...but anyway I thought it was fairly cool.

SHIT ME....Watching MTV2 and The wombats or something has come on...with a song maybe called 'so happy'?!? its fucking awesome....real indie like, I never usually like that stuff. *by the way it's called 'let's dance to joy division' it just came up on screen* They really need to change their videos as well coz it's annoying me how they are playing all the same crap as I've seen like 6 months ago. 

OMG extreme hunger pains must go. Will update later maybe?

Stuie is sitting in: your mum
Stuie is feeling quite: cheerful cheerful
Stuie is listening to: MTV2

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stuicide

Argh...I'm not gonna write much coz I feel bad about something i've just done. 

I browsed the internet as you do, looked up some things....laughed at videos, commented on pictures, updated profiles you know....then I go on google and search for random things...well I was entering my friends names in and I've found something which i thought was cool....I was well up for looking at the time....now I feel like I have disrespected someone by looking at it. I know they will probably laugh about it...but for me this is weird. I respect them so much (Sam wagner just come up on tv....what a name) and I don't want to feel bad or for them to feel like I've done something wrong. I love them to pieces but well....whatever I say I can't describe it all.....Lets just say...I'm sorry man I really am. 

In other news I have new avatar thing, and I think it looks pretty wikid. 

I can't stop thinking about this....raaarrggghh! I need to go to bed....after a fag though...then I will think about what I have done...maybe text them.......Yea...


I love you guys!

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Stuie is sitting in: my frontroom
Stuie is feeling quite: uncomfortable uncomfortable
Stuie is listening to: Agnus Dei

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stuicide
 I got a shirt on which I've had for ages, it's a little tight I think...but I dunno....i think I pull it off...

Im not sure what to do at the moment...I got 2 hours...(i think) until Aaron comes round and we can jam it up hardstyle. shit...heater is on be back soon
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stuicide
Fucking arse burgers...I feel like shit. Not in a physical way, but a mental way. I'm not gonna bore you all with the details but in the past fucking 6-7 months I have met some amazing people. In those said months I have been to more places than I can remember having the times of my fucking life. (I will swear quite profusely during this post)

I'll list the places and elaborate on the factors that made my pressence very enjoyable.

Pinner - This is where Nox's gf, Kat lives. Its a lovely place just on the outskirts of london and I have personally had some real fucking awesome times. Like the time we all went to popstars in london and partied our fucking asses off and got taxi's and had fun and walked for miles and it was amazing...then went back to the place just to tell Dasha all of this trippy shit and she put up with all my shit. Hearing Dan and Kat doing the dirty through the wall and having a giggle with Dasha about it. Red Chris' little rants which are seriously fucking hilarious and the stories. Going to Ali's before popstars to chill on a hammock and listen to Hard-Fi, smoking joints in the garden. Me losing my phone charger...realising that my friends are the best and they mean the world to me.

Watford - To walk around tesco's with Dasha, breaking her heart by saying she couldn't have a donut thing just because I wanted to annoy her in a nice way only for her to take it the wrong way by thinking I called her fat. She isn't, she is a stereotypical russian girl with tattooes and the cutest septum piercing...(you know exactly what I'm thinking don't you)

Kingston - Stayed with Dasha with Dan and Kat, went to this place called bacchus which is THE SHIT! It plays the music I want to hear, when I want to hear it. Sat listening to avenged sevenfold and playing Cooking mama with Dash. Had fucking fantastic times with her. Seriously

Chichester - Went to see Kat's sister and drink and smoke...A very enjoyable night had by one and all even though we hadn't slept for ages we managed to pull through quite well and I got cuddled by 2 awesome dogs all night by the names of Portrey and Auckney (spelling?) 

Im not sure of the names of many more...as most of the time I was either too excited about going to the different places or too drunk to drive. 

There is a selection of songs on my IPap...(which is my Sony Ericsson Phone!) that reminds me of the great times we all had. I listen to them every day because at this point in time it feels like they are the only moments I can hold onto where I felt happiest. I'm not disrespecting or ditching my other friends but sometimes you know when you don't hang around with certain people then you hang around with them again...? well......I feel out of place with them now...I feel like I'm not wanted. Everytime I see them and make an effort with them it's always the same comments every time. 

'Back from the dead!' 
'Hello Stranger!' 
'Thought we wern't cool enough for you' 

Well thats how my story falls into place. I'm not a happy panda but at least I'm not a really fat and ugly unhappy panda...coz that would make me a very very very unhappy panda.

Not really much more to say except I have nothing to look forward to. Which I know makes me sound emo but my life consists of laughing at things on the internet, feeding, smoking and not really much else. I'm bored of not doing anything all the time, I need inspiration to make something beautiful. 

I also want a child. I want a miniture version of the irreplacable, Me. So I can teach him with the love of my life all of the wrongs and rights of the world. I would teach him to respect people but never give out too easily, I would teach him how to respect women how they should be respected, Teach him to play guitar like his Dad, to play with words, to be. I think that's what I want in life.

A wife that I could give my life to that could see past the stupid outside shell that I have and see through the fact that I am a good person. Argh what am I saying...I don't want kids yet. All I want is a cigarette and something to fucking eat, I'm dying here. 

To the people that mean the most - I fucking love you and I always will.

To people I don't know - Have a good time



By the way, I just want you to notice me and think of me...that is all. I know oneday a mistake will happen and we will ruin everything, but will we ruin it or make it stronger...you decide. 

Poison the fucking well!

Smoke a fucking cigarette!

Eat an Item of fucking food now stu....seriously.

love

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Stuie is sitting in: HQ
Stuie is feeling quite: nostalgic nostalgic
Stuie is listening to: Poison The Well

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stuicide
noone reads this tosh...why do i bother.
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stuicide
 http://burningangel.com/fs/kylee/_emo_slut/main.html 



Seriously...check it out.
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stuicide
Describe your favorite photograph.
 My favourite photograph is a picture of Dan, Kat, Jordan, Dasha and I and we were all really happy and starting our beautiful friendships.....

Fuck me I love those guys.

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stuicide

After a fucking fantastic night round shauns with dan, Dan and I had a chat. We talked about various things...and it's just hit me straight in the fucking face, life fucking sucks. 

I have a raging headache and all I can think of is not being good enough for anything. I have a fucking interview with Uni 2moro/tuesday which I have to perform 2 acoustic pieces infront of 3 people which will call me shit...I have opted for these 2 songs.

Hey There Delilah - Plain White T's (because it's meaningful and I can put my emotion forward)

and

The Artist In The Ambulance - Thrice (my own improvised acoustic version to prove I can take initiative in a musical situation)(and also coz it's the one song that reminds me of the time I shared withsomeone)

I want to cry, sing, bleed and dream all at the same time. I want the beauty in the breakdowns to breathe its soft scented exhalations upon my snow like skin. I want purpose, I know for a fact that im in a dysphoric state of mind. I need help but am too shy and nervous to ask for it. As far as I see it, I have no purpose at the moment except for procrastinating in a pool of my own self pity...come cheer me up???

fuck, im well hungry...curse the columbians.

Im tired so must sleep for a couple of hours.....

I also am never trusting females ever......im against them....i need some sort of sexual contact before my genitalia decide to never come back from vacation thus redeeming me useless in all forms.....im open to any offers.

love love

x

Cx7

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